The Dark Knight Movie Debacle

Chapter One

Herein lies the most interesting social phenomenon I've encountered to date.

Okay, so I may have tossed that with a dash of hyperbole, but it's only for point's sake.
However...

I have never, in my entire life, come upon something (I initially thought to be so obvious and clean cut) that has presented itself to be, in all actuality, so divided.

First, let me recount the story..........

Several weeks ago I procured three tickets to view a midnight showing of the very highly anticipated new Batman movie, The Dark Knight. You may have heard of it. I was terribly excited, I enjoyed immensely the first Christian Bale-y Batman movie and was just plain stoked about the second. Being someone who does not watch a lot of movies, this whole shebang was quite the occasion.

The three movie attendees scheduled for attendance were my friends Greg and Elizabeth, and of course, myself. Both folks of high culture and awesome-friend status, I knew that the company involved would only enhance my Batman-watching. Needless to say, the whole ordeal was simply gaining in anticipation and titillation.

In an unhappy turn of events, the evening of the movie, Elizabeth caught a bout of the not-feeling-wells, and could not fulfill her ticket holding status.

Because I am a lady of grace and good fortune, I am lucky enough to have more than two friends, and I called upon my very near and dear, Bianca, to fill Elizabeth's spot. If you're adept enough to have read my past blogs, you'll know Bianca and her immediate history-for those of you who don't, in a short bit, Bianca is my movie-appreciating, soprano-singing, Canadian friend.
Being her movie-appreciating self, and also being otherwise unoccupied that Friday night, Bianca expressed genuine interest in our movie-going excursion.

Bianca is currently in a relationship with one, SJP*. SJP, at the time of THE DARK KNIGHT MOVIE DEBACLE was vacationing on Folly with two of his three pollack brothers.

Now, it was my understanding that SJP and Bianca had at one time or another, made known an interest in seeing The Dark Knight together. But the advent of a opening-night ticket gave Bianca a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see this highly anticipated blockbuster with her friends Greg and Jessica.

Not only is she Canadian, but she's understanding, generous, and a damn good girlfriend, so immediately after movie invitation, Bianca called (or texted, my memory fails me for some reason) SJP to alert him of this happenstance.

Let it be known that Bianca wanted very much to see this movie with SJP, and ALSO wanted to see the movie twice, and ALSO knew the importance of not divulging any movie plot turns, twists, or surprises. Thereby, she made a pledge, upon her seeing the film that night, she would refrain from discussion with SJP until after his viewing, with her, when he got back from vacation, three days later.

...ahem...

needless to say, SJP did NOT approve. There was a fallout. He hearkened to past promises of them seeing the movie together, combined with a plethora of reasons that she should not go, one long phone call, and a swift consultation of his ever present, vacationing brothers. The other pollacks agreed, Bianca should wait to see the movie with SJP.

This, in turn, resulted in a swift consultation with ME, wherein, I announced that Bianca should see it twice, once with me, once with SJP. At that moment-THE DARK KNIGHT MOVIE DEBACLE had begun.

The issue in question:

Should Bianca wait to see the movie with SJP, OR continue forth, see the movie with the available party, not tell SJP the details of the movie, and gladly see the movie again when he got back to town?

My immediate response was one of disgust. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? I thought. COULD HE BE THIS STUPID? I PAID FOR THAT TICKET AND NOW IT'S GONE TO WASTE? The last one, actually, had more to do with my state of aghast-ness, rather than the six-fifty or so I dropped on one, lousy ticket. To be completely honest, at the moment, I found SJP to be a complete lunatic.

Despite my claims at lunacy, Bianca was conciliatory and decided not to go.
Then there were two.

Arriving at the midnight showing, etickets confirmation and excitement in hand, sans third party, I met Greg somewhere around the front of the movies, allllllll ready to go.

We got our seating-tickets and waited a bit for the theater persons to open the doors. In the meanwhile, I sat behind a table and pretended to sign people up for a movie club, while Greg went to go get us some over-priced movie snacks.

Oh-so-nicely returning with popcorn for himself and the ever-illustrious Diet Coke for me, I brought up THE DARK KNIGHT MOVIE DEBACLE, retelling, in all of it's splendor, the moments from the past afternoon.

not fifteen seconds into the retelling, Greggles stopped me and said....

"oh sure, Bianca should wait for Steve..."

I'm sure passers-by could hear the screeching halt, and noted the Shaggy and Scooby-esque turning of head........WWHHHAT?!............this was my instinctive response.

Now, Greg is a friend of mine, and while in jest, some have heard me question his credibility, his level of intelligence, hair color, nose size, Lebanese family history, ability to spell, choice of sock, dance moves, worthiness as a human, character in general.....you get the idea....

but in all truth, I actually respect his opinion. At least more so than I respect SJP's.
Because everyone knows that the Lebanese have more stock than the Poles.

So I was forced to delve deeper into THE DARK KNIGHT MOVIE DEBACLE. I made Greg explain himself. He cited reasons of some unknown cosmic force that draws two in a relationship to see an anticipated movie for the first time, and that this certain experience is tarnished upon two viewings.

Still, I was doubtful.

He went on to explain the culture of of movie-coupledom, and how this has the possibility to exist even longer than the actual affections of the couple, and how this is an institution in American Dating.

I called Bullshit.

But our debate was serious, unlike about 97% of our other family-friendly arguments, as is the nature of our friendship.

So I took my findings and went out into the field. I conducted research that I will soon post in the next chapter, because what I have found may certainly shake the foundation for movie-watchers everywhere.

or it may just bore the crap out of you.

but read, react, and recount to your friends....because the conclusion is soon to come!


*see previous blog